Life's not so little not blessings

Ok, I feel like ranting and getting a few things off my chest. And if any of you can possibly answer any questions I have, it would be great. For future reference, "The Egg" is my car...you'll see.

Why in the world, if you are going the speed limit or UNDER are you on the left side of the road???!!! Especially in the mornings when I'm running late and I'm trying to get to work??!! This is an unspoken law. Speed limit=Right side. 5 miles or over the speed limit=Left side. If you notice that everyone is passing you up because you are going too slow, move over. I mean, just be nice and get over!!

That being said, if by me going 10 miles over the speed limit is slowing you down, that doesn't give you the right to ride my butt. The egg is very spontaneous. You don't piss her off. And...all you are going to do is make me slow down and go the speed limit, just to piss you off. So there. I'M GOING 10 OVER!!!!!!! It isn't Nascar!

When waiting at a stop sign, there is no need to touch my back bumper, or at least get that close. I drive a standard. If there is a slight incline, I'm going to HIT YOU!!! I mean, I can seriously read your lips through my rear view mirror. I don't curse at me when I don't take off fast enough. Because guess what happens...I take my time even more. Really people.

Don't pull me over for crossing the median and give me a ticket. Are there not people out there that are killing, stealing, selling drugs, raping, and just being plain out mean??? And you are worried about me crossing a freakin median. My tax dollars are paying for you to ride around in your car wasting gas, and watch for people who are crossing the median while people are going 90 mph around you. Really...I mean, really???!!!

And lastly, for right now, why in the world, when you go file for divorce, does you ex-husband-to-be ask you if you are sure this is what you want? When you tried three freakin times to work it out and he couldn't quit talking to his girlfriend. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to try and work on your marriage while your husband has a girlfriend. But I can at least say I tried...3 times!!!!!!!! Ask me what I did. I freakin went off on him in the courthouse parking lot. How could he???!!! Don't make this sound like it's my fault! Then going to tell me that I'm coming out pretty good because I have the house and land. Let's not think about the mental anguish I went through while he's telling me that he's in love with this little girl and not me and that he wants to be with her. But I'm coming out good. I'll admit, I'm glad I got the house, but don't act like this has been just peachy for me.

Ok, I'm done. Any questions?

Lessons in mowing the grass

Ok, for those of you who aren't familiar with a lawn mower, they can be very powerful machines. I know this because I have one of my own. Meet Martha...Martha the mower. Throughout our journeys, we have become real close. She's learned much about me, and vice versa. I've come up with a few rules of thumb, so that others won't have to learn the hard way. Like I have done. Like any relationship, we've had our ups and downs. But, I think it has made us stronger. Here are a few rules:



Rule #1- Lawnmowers and water hoses do NOT get along. I mean, it's a hate hate relationship. It's like the water hose is a magnet to the blades. So, I thought I could ride right over it and just keep going. Not a good judgement call on my part. So, I have to get off the mower and untangle the water hose from around the blades in 900 degree heat. Just for the record, it wrapped around there 8 times. So....don't try that. You cannot make it over the hose.



Rule #2- So, this stray dog keeps coming in my yard. And judging by it's....um droppings...it's a pretty big dog. And judging by the color....it doesn't have a consistent diet. I really didn't see it. Yeah, ran right over that cow patty. Ewww. Watching the greenish blob get all between the treads and go round and round. Yuck. But, the worst part? It got on the pan at the bottom of the mower. And FYI, that pan gets hot. Ever smelt a hot turd. OMG, I think I passed out for a while. Turds stink, but hot turds STANK!!! It finally burnt off, or whatever. My nose hairs had cinged off, so I couldn't really smell it anymore. Just hope I don't step in it. Oh, and I have to find that stupid dog.



Rule #3- When running over any concrete or rocks, it produces a wonderful display of sparks!!! Golden sparks showering from underneath the lawn mower. It was like my own private fireworks. Except for the sound of metal grinding on top of concrete. Not a pretty sound. But, you shouldn't do this because when my dad and pawpaw took a look at my blades, I got a chewing for doing that. Apparently it wears down on your blades and now, I'm going to have to replace my blades pretty soon. Parents always ruin all the fun.



Rule #4- And for my last rule. When mowing under hickory nut trees, always watch for flying objects. If you think you are safe because you are behind the lawnmower, or sitting in the "driver's" seat, you are sadly mistaken. I have scars to prove it. They may seem like harmless hickory nuts, but going 90 mph, they are deadly missiles. Someone should seriously think about sending some to Iraq. War would be over. Oh, and your neighbors don't appreciate them flying at them either. (Not you Leslie! I haven't heard you complain yet)



And that's my lesson on mowing. Oh and one more thing, and this is directed at a certain person, and after they read it, they will know who I'm talking about. If you want to walk up on someone and you are wearing all black, please make yourself known. I almost fell off Martha!!!!! Could've been tragic! What if I would've chopped my legs off?! How I'm get a man lookin like that?!

I am lucky

Last night, I stood outside watching the lightening. I was holding an umbrella like an idiot. Anyways, as I watched the lightening, I thought about how awesome it looked. I mean, it was beautiful. So, of course, my mind started wondering. And even with all the bad things that have happened to me over the past year and a half (divorce, family, etc) I am truly lucky. Going through all of this has really mad my faith in God alot stronger. Don't get me wrong, I went through my spells of crying and getting mad at God and asking him why. But when I step back and really look at the big picture, I am really lucky. Even though I am getting a divorce, I'm lucky that we didn't have any children to have to put in the middle of this. I know that God has something wonderful in store for me. My biggest problem is instant gratification. I want to know what's going to happen next. It's not supposed to be like that. That's what FAITH is all about. If we knew what was going to happen day to day, what's the point in trusting in God. HE has a plan on his terms. I can sit here and say, "I trust in him, I put my faith in him." But if I still continue to worry about it, then I'm really not "walking the walk." Actions speak louder than words. I am still struggling with these things, but I'm getting better. I am a work in progress. I should wear a construction sign on my butt!!! But not only does everyone else have to be patient with my slow progress, I have to be patient. I believe that sometimes we fall, so that we don't forget how to get on our knees.